TGIM: The (Pink) Elephant in the Room

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday! As we are closing in on the end of July, I am so grateful for all of the joy that summer brings, the outdoor time that is spent, and the overall positive tendency human nature has during these months. There is nothing quite like the Summer Olympics to add to that sentiment, bringing countries together in a spirit of comradery amongst the otherwise exhausting noise of politics and news headlines. It’s refreshing to hear about impressive human feats like spinning more times in the air than anyone has ever done before or someone running faster than anyone has done in history.

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These Olympians spend four years training to have just a few seconds for the performance of a lifetime. The more they practiced their drills, trained their minds, and built their bodies the better chance they have at being the best in the world. Time and effort put in correlate with the result.

Not everything is related in this way: the harder you try the better the outcome. This is known as the backward law. It’s a concept Mark Manson reminded me of last week but, like many laws of human nature, originated from Buddhist philosophy. Essentially it is a law that describes the harder we work at something, the further we are from achieving it.

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The classic example is if I told you not to think about a pink elephant, the first thing that pops into your mind is a pink elephant. The more you try not to think about the pink elephant, the more detailed the image of a pink elephant becomes in your head. The harder you work at not picturing the pink elephant, the further you are achieving your goal.
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When we think about happiness, we can also appreciate how the harder people try to make themselves comfortable in life, the harder it is to be happy. People think happiness is the absence of discomfort and struggle. They try relentlessly to buy things that will make life easier or avoid things that increase difficulty (exercising, waking up early, working on a side project after work). They think that anytime they have a negative encounter the universe is working against their goal to be happy.

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However, being happy is a result of choosing to be happy despite these negative events and struggles. It’s finding purpose in challenges, it’s choosing the workout instead of sitting on the couch, and seeking gratitude no matter what life throws at you. The more people can accept their reality, knowing they cannot change certain cards that are dealt, the less they resist what will be despite their attitude towards it. This acceptance is where happiness can flourish.
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It’s not the louder you shout into the universe that you want to be happy, it’s the enthusiasm that you can march through life with despite what the universe is yelling at you.
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It always helps to have a more tangible example, and since we’re all about how these concepts tie back to our health (because without taking care of our bodies we cannot have a fulfilled life), we will look at how the backward law relates to fitness.

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I’ve worked with hundreds of people on their fitness and nutrition goals and there is a pretty distinct correlation between how strict people feel they need to be and their results. I have had clients swear they won’t eat any more processed foods, no more sugar, no more alcohol, and they’ll work out 7 days per week, giving it 100% every time. And my reflex to hearing anything along these lines is thinking this person is doomed to fail. The more perfect someone feels they need to be with their fitness and nutrition, the more likely they are to get nowhere fast.

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It’s just like the pink elephant in your head. The people who want to be “perfect” end up trying to fight this image of “failure” so hard that the picture inevitably manifests one way or the other. They can’t imagine having one slice of pizza and finding a well-balanced life so they eat no pizza or they eat until they’re sick. Or they feel like they need to be sore and sweating for a good workout so when they miss one day, it must ensure they have failed. The harder they work at perfection, the further away from their fitness goals they get.

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Instead, learning to accept balance and work with life’s circumstances would allow people to get so much closer to their fitness goals than trying to hit the gym for two hours every single day. Understanding that maybe dinner can be pizza and some salad and exercise can be a 15-minute walk after that pizza and salad will be so much more fruitful than trying to never have pizza ever again (unless pizza does not bring you joy and then I’m not sure we can be friends). The backward law applies because the more we can learn to accept our own limitations and work with them (instead of against them) the better we can accomplish our goals.

The backward law is counterintuitive but may be helpful for you to reframe something that maybe you’ve been working really hard on for a long time but do not seem to be making any progress. How can you better accept your circumstances? How can you use that acceptance to make progress in other ways? Let me know if you can think of any other examples of how the backward law applies to your life.
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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM. Or visit https://walshwellness.weebly.com/ for older editions and if you’d like to subscribe.

This week, my podcast recommendation is from Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast, “The Backwards Law: How to Get More by Doing Less.” He brought this concept up in his book that I read many years ago but I haven’t thought about it in a long time and figured if I hadn’t heard about it in a while you guys might not have either. If you liked this concept, check out his podcast for an entertaining conversation about the topic.

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With that, have a wonderful week everyone! Make it a great last few days of July!

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Until next time,

Shannon