TGIM: AA

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday! Today I wanted to start with a sign that I saw while driving last week that has been occupying space in my brain for the last few days. You know those electronic signs that flash a short message about traffic or a reminder about normal driving rules? Well, Long Island has hired someone who comes up with pretty funny ones in the last several months. During the holidays there was one about wearing your seatbelt so you don’t end up on Santa’s naughty list and another for St. Patrick’s Day that said “Be smart, not lucky… choose a designated driver.” Whoever is trying to add a sense of humor deserves an A or effort.
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However, last week there was one that said “Stay alive, don’t drive drowsy,” and why this has been occupying such a large space in my brain is unclear to me. But it feels like trying to shove a square block in a round hole, what is that sign solving!?
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It’s not like choosing to drive somewhere knowing you are going to drink with no other way home or consciously deciding to not wear a seatbelt. I assume, unless I am missing something egregious here, that most people drive drowsy because they are tired after work, have insufficient sleep, or endure a multitude of other life normalities. So this sign felt grossly unhelpful.
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Similarly, telling people you have to exercise or eat more vegetables seems just as futile. It’s not like most people start their day with the intention to feel like crap by overeating junk and watching hours of TV instead of going to the gym. But knowing what we have to do is not the problem usually. It’s how to execute the changes we want to make.
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I’ve been thinking a lot about AA recently and how they somehow help people change, and not losing a couple of pounds kind of change. Breaking an addiction I imagine is one of the hardest changes to make. AA provides a system for people to make this change with impressive results (one stat from the American Addiction Centers states that in 2014 a 6,000-person study was conducted where 22% of AA participants were sober for 20 years or more).
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22% may not sound like a lot (we wouldn’t use a medicine with a 22% success rate) but another 51% of participants in that study were sober for at least one year. How many people do you know that have maintained their exercise routines for a whole year? Probably not 50% of the people you know who tried.

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I don’t think it’s essential to believe in God or a higher power to change successfully, take for example Mark Manson author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck who I’ve been following his journey since reading that book. But there are some lessons from the 12 steps of AA that might be helpful when considering changing (your weight, your habits, your financial health, your life in general).
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Disclaimer: I don’t know a lot about AA so this is my impression of what would be helpful from some brief reading.
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First is the need for community and shaping the environment. This one is non-negotiable. If you try to change something in your life without changing the people, places, or things in your environment you will inevitably fail. We are humans with a limited amount of willpower and if we are constantly fighting against the cookies in the cabinet, the TV that’s in the bedroom, or the water-cooler gossip at work, we will be exhausted and go right back to our old ways.

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Change your environment to change your habits.

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Second is the need for honesty. In the 12 steps, you have to admit to yourself the struggle with alcohol and recognize it is not contributing to the life you want to live. So many people never even get to this step with food and exercise because it’s so normalized in our culture. In order to change, we need to be honest with ourselves about what we are willing to sacrifice to live a life that is more fulfilling and brings true joy. That might require talking to your partner about how going to the bar every Saturday does not bring you the joy it used to and you want to work on developing other Saturday night routines that better align with your goals. Or it might be honesty with yourself: maybe your social media use is interfering with time you could be spending going to the gym and if you can’t find a healthy balance you need to give it up.
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Have difficult conversations (with others and yourself) to make change.
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Third is the commitment to approaching change as a whole. AA does not just tell people to stop drinking because as we know, the more we focus on trying not to do something the more we will be prone to crashing and burning (ie avoid the donut only to proceed to eat three donuts). The 12 steps approach the person as a whole, learning how to meditate, ask for forgiveness, self-reflect, and repair relationships. Focusing on rebuilding part of the person creates abstinence as a result of these other actions (is it not the action necessarily in and of itself).

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We cannot change something we’re doing without changing who we are.

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I find AA fascinating because my purpose in life is largely made of helping people to be healthier and happier, and AA has mastered this to a large degree. Next time someone asks you for advice on change, please don’t be like that sign that says don’t drowsy drive. Try a little harder.

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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM. Or visit https://walshwellness.weebly.com/ for older editions and if you’d like to subscribe.

This week my podcast recommendation is from Tom Bilyeu’s Impact Theory, “Molly Bloom on How to Reach True Fulfillment (replay).” I am not sure if I listened to this on the original release but wow it was just as good this time if I did. This interview was with a woman whose life the movie “Molly’s Game” was about. She actually brought up the concept of AA being an impressive model for change which I had recently been talking about so it felt serendipitous to write this today.

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With that, we are so close to the warm weather, we’ve almost made it! The winter blues are slowly shedding away and everyone is getting the itch to do a spring cleaning and detox. So if you haven’t kept up with those New Year’s resolutions or are feeling jazzed about a new goal, use the warm weather to get you moving.
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Until next time,

Shannon