TGIM: xoxo

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday! With Valentine’s Day coming up this week I thought we could tackle a little bit more about love and the importance of it in relationships and other aspects of our lives. A bunch of podcasts I’ve listened to lately have discussed how interviews with people who live long, happy lives continuously have the same message: that when we’re on our deathbeds, love is what makes life worth living.

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Now I’m not going to get into a mushy romance novel here, that’s not really my speed. Instead, I think it’s valuable to talk about what “love” actually means and how we can apply it to different areas of our lives.

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Unlike my usual starting place, the definition from Oxford does not do this justice (ie an intense feeling of deep affection or a great pleasure in doing something). I think it would be more helpful to look at what other feelings love evokes: happiness, contentment, joy, excitement, enthusiasm, and positivity, among so many others. So when we talk about love in various aspects of our lives, we look for things that spur these emotions.

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People of course automatically think of relationships when we talk about love, so we’ll start there.

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When we have love in relationships, it of course implies those aforementioned emotions. However, there is more to it as we know. Love in relationships of all kinds should engender trust, openness, confidence, and empowerment. Significant others, family members, and friends whom you love should make you feel supported to accomplish your goals, comfortable to be who you are, and safe to speak truthfully.
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People who are happy and successful in life develop these kinds of relationships with those whom they surround themselves the most with. That’s because those that you spend the most time with will have the greatest impact on who you are and how well you are (or are not) able to fulfill your life’s work. So it’s important to grow these relationships to be healthy and supportive because they impact us in so many ways that are both tangible and intangible.
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Now that we know what healthy, loving relationships look like (again both in your significant other or in your friends and families) let’s talk about how the same qualities should be manifested in other ways in our lives.
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People who are happy in their lives find love in their hobbies and their work. While being able to do what you love for work is a privilege and certainly not a necessity, it’s becoming more popular to be able to do just that. While it takes more work on the front end (going to grad school, going through the pains of entrepreneurship, figuring out what kind of work brings you joy), we have the resources in this day and age to be doing this work.
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Finding love in work, to me, is being able to do something that brings you fulfillment (maybe not all of the time but at least some of the time), it contributes to the better good of the world, and it challenges you to improve your skill. While these are not necessarily the feel-good sensations of love we talked about earlier, they contribute to those same factors in the long run. By doing work that forces us to improve, contributes to a greater good, and brings you fulfillment, you are able to find that sense of joy and excitement you find in loving relationships.
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Why is this important? Again, maybe you’re still in your first career (sorry boomers and Gen X, life-long careers are not as relevant anymore), so you’re working through some of these factors. But we will be working for a long, long time. Even if you’re like me and plan on doing a phased retirement early in life, we have (if we’re lucky) a long time left on this earth. And a lot of time will be spent doing work (for financial, wellness, and human reasons).
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So figuring out how to find love in work is essential. And maybe that isn’t inherent, but figuring out ways to love the work you do (either a primary job or a side job) will contribute to a happier life. Again, that doesn’t mean loving your work all of the time, just like you don’t love your spouse or family all of the time. But finding love drives you to be better and find fulfillment which is what matters in the long haul.
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The more you can find love in your day to days the more you build a happier life. These seemingly insignificant ways can be by expressing gratitude in the morning, appreciating the view of the skyline while you’re sitting in traffic, or appreciating laughing with your coworkers after a bad day. These little moments of finding love are like a treasure hunt and happy people are better at finding them. But it’s not just a genetic predisposition that lends to you being better or worse at this, it’s also a practice that can be strengthened over time.
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There is a huge concern for mental health especially in the younger generation right now but it permeates through every age group. A large factor that contributes to this is of course social media, but at the root of it is the lack of connection (and love if you stretch the story far enough) to the rest of the world.
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Finding ways to grow relationships, develop hobbies, and notice the little things worth loving in the day will help with that connection. It won’t be easy, it takes work. But the work makes it worthwhile (the relationships, the job, life).
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So this Valentine’s Day make sure you’re celebrating both your relationships with others and your relationship with yourself. In what areas do you need to work on finding more love (hint: it’s probably an area you’re dreading doing the work)? Let me know while you’re indulging in all of the chocolate.
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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM. Or visit https://walshwellness.weebly.com/ for older editions and if you’d like to subscribe.

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This week my podcast recommendation is from Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, “3 Questions That Determine 99% of Your Happiness.” This was a great episode that discussed how the three things we can be asking ourselves to gauge what area we need to improve to be happy are: how well are we treating our bodies, who are we spending our time with, and what are we working on and why? This is a quick diagnostic test to see what area needs the most improvement for us to improve our happiness.
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With that, happy Valentine’s Day team! I do love doing this newsletter because it feels like I’m improving myself and improving the world even in a minuscule way, it challenges me, and it contributes to my greater purpose in life. Try to find something in your own lives that brings you the same value and let me know what area you’re going to work on in your own life to find more love.
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xoxo,

Shannon