TGIM: Identity Crisis

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!
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tl;dr You cannot create lasting change without redefining your identity. If your identity is stuck in the past (prior accomplishments, possessions, relationships, roles in life) then your future will continue to be defined by those things. In order to build upon your identity, you must become the person you want to be in thought, belief, and action.
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How do you identify yourself? When you introduce yourself to somebody at work, what do you say? What about someone at an extracurricular? Or how do you talk about yourself in your own mind?

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Many people identify themselves by their profession. Your personality may be closely tied to the job you have and the pride you take in it. People also frequently identify themselves with previous accomplishments. How many people do you know that are hung up on how they used to be (physically, financially, socially, etc)? We use these aspects of our lives to identify ourselves because who would we be without them?
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Take away the job, the accomplishments, and all of the other common aspects people tie to their identities (political parties, workout style, body types, even diagnoses, and childhood reputations). What’s left? Who are you as a person besides what you’ve done or what you’ve got?

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Most people don’t take the time to ask themselves this question so we’ll take a minute here. In some parallel universe, what would you do if you didn’t need to work? How would you spend your time? What about in another universe where we didn’t have political parties? How would you interact differently with others? What would you do without watching the news channels all day?
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What’s left after you strip away all of these common identities? What are your values? What brings you joy? What makes you feel fulfilled?

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When you can better define these answers, they may clarify how you’ve gotten to where you are today. The people and priorities you value have contributed to your wonderful accomplishments. The actions that have brought you joy have naturally directed you to do more of those things. And you should be so grateful for the experiences that have made you who you are because you wouldn’t be where you are today without them.
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However, the most crucial of all dichotomies in this life is to be able to practice gratitude for where you are while striving to move forward.

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Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve talked about setting goals for the new year and visualizing the person you want to be at the end of it. How does that person look different than who you are today? How do their thoughts, beliefs, and actions align with who you currently are? And how do they differ?
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In order to become that [insert your desired change here] person, your identity must change from the one you have today. You cannot maintain the same personality and expect different outcomes.

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If you want to be “healthier” (hopefully over the last couple of weeks you’ve refined that goal a bit), what does that healthier version of you believe that the version of you today doesn’t truly believe yet? Maybe you need to develop the belief that you can stick to doing what you say you’re going to do (wake up earlier, walk more, go to the gym). Or maybe you need to shift your mindset; consider healthier doesn’t mean less joy, food, or social engagements. Instead, it means observing in what way food brings you joy or what social engagements you partake in. That version of you also acts differently (takes the stairs at work, cooks more meals, reads more). So you cannot take your current beliefs, thoughts, and actions and hope they translate into different outcomes.
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Your thoughts, actions, and beliefs must all align with that version of yourself you want to become. You must create that identity.

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So where do you start in constructing a new identity?

Well, first it’s important to remember you’re not necessarily starting from scratch. You do have those fundamentals to build on. These fundamentals are the answers to the questions above about your values, what you would do with your spare time, and how you would live your life differently if those common identities were stripped from you.

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To build on those and mold them into the new identity you seek, it’s helpful to look at it in a threefold approach.
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First, put yourself in an environment that suits your future identity. If you want to be healthier, join a gym to be around others that care for themselves. If you want to drink less, make plans to go to a museum or coffee shop with friends instead of the bars. If you want to develop your business, join a group of people ahead of you on their journeys. A new environment will help you mold your new identity.
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Second, build the awareness of the beliefs, thoughts, and actions you have that support your current identity but do not contribute to the one you’d like to have in the future. Do you consider yourself a people-pleaser? That identity has probably helped you to get where you are today. But it likely won’t continue to be a viable part of the person you are growing to become. The awareness of these idiosyncrasies will allow you to double down on which ones will serve you and leave behind the ones that keep you in your old ways.

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The third is to trust that the identity you want to become is in you already. If you constantly seek external validation for an internal change, you yourself will never change. Instead, turn inward to notice which parts of you are aligned with that new identity you are developing and speak to yourself as if you are already that person. If you are that person trying to be “healthier” for the new year, would you call yourself fat for eating a cookie? No. A “healthy” person would appreciate the joy the cookie brought, eat it with joyous intention, and move on with their day. Your desired identity is like a sculpture that must be chipped away from the marble block.

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When you take these steps (restructuring your environment, building awareness, and looking within) to find your desired personality you will be able to create lasting change. Your new identity thinks, believes, and acts differently than the person you are today. You cannot take those thoughts, beliefs, and actions with you if you hope to move forward.
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So if you want to change, and really change, build your identity around those changes you want to see. You will never get to where you want to go with the same tools that got you where you are now. The version of you you hope to be at the end of the year requires current you to embrace these changes.

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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.

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This week, my podcast recommendation is from The Ed Mylett Show, “The Most Underrated Way to Change Your Life.”

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With that, continue to build the new identity that will be capable of those goals for the future you.

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Until next time,

Shannon