TGIM: Value Menu

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!

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tl;dr Values are consistent underlying motivations that drive our actions. Clarifying our values can help prioritize our lives and keep ourselves honest. If life has felt a bit aimless, clarifying values can help you create a new target to work towards.

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I’m going to be honest, values are one of those things that I poo-pooed for a long time. Life went on regardless, so there didn’t seem to be an express need to get clear on them. But then the theme of values kept popping up, and like a song that you can’t get out of your head, I had to give in.
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Values are the foundation upon which our lives are built and determine the trajectory of our actions. So if we can clarify our values, we can elucidate why we act and better direct them.

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If you value independent thought and action, you should get a job that allows you to practice (somewhat) autonomously and utilize problem-solving skills. Your ideal partner should support your independence, and your free time might be spent creating (ie art, a business, or baking). If you know self-direction is high on your values list, you have a better idea of what job, partner, and hobby fulfill you.

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Values can be very emotionally imbued. People get offended when their values are challenged. By understanding our values better, we can get to the root of a problem when it becomes emotionally charged.
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You might value novelty in your life, always looking for new challenges and experiences. Your partner, on the other hand, might value security, desiring stable routines and environments. This may become a point of contention in your relationship if you don’t find a way to balance your lifestyles. For example, you may fight over what your weekend plans are: one person might want to go away for the night and try a new restaurant while the other wants to watch reruns of your favorite show and spend the weekend in bed. The argument might seem like it’s just over your weekend plans, but if you dig deeper, you find that your values are in contention. By clarifying these values for yourself, you can have a more productive conversation to communicate with your partner.

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Have you defined your values?
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If you haven’t, a helpful place to start is the Theory of basic human values developed by Shalom H. Schwartz. He defines ten human values organized in a pie chart (in order to represent their relation to one another). As defined by Schwartz, they are:

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• Self-direction (independent thought and action, expressed in choosing, creating, and exploring)
• Stimulation (excitement, novelty, and challenge in life)
• Hedonism (pleasure or sensuous gratification for oneself)
• Achievement (personal success through demonstrating competence according to social standards)
• Power (control or dominance over people and resources)
• Security (safety, harmony, and stability of society, relationships, and self)
• Conformity (restraint of actions, inclinations, and impulses likely to upset or harm others and violate social expectations)
• Tradition (respect, commitment, and acceptance of the customs and ideas that one’s culture or religion provides)
• Benevolence (preserving and enhancing the welfare of those with whom one is in frequent personal contact)
• Universalism (understanding, appreciation, tolerance, and protection for the welfare of all people and nature)

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What values do you most resonate with?

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Note that values are not isolated to one aspect of your life. They can be universally applied (at your job, in your relationships, and your volunteer groups). If you only care about the welfare of all people in your golf foursome but not at work, it is not a value, it is a convenience. Also, when your values are violated, it should get you riled up.

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Does that affect what values you most resonate with?

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If you need help defining your values, take this short quiz: https://www.idrlabs.com/human-values/test.php​

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When you have your top three values, note where you have an easier time applying them and in what areas you struggle. Maybe you value achievement and feel it is easiest to see this at work. You seek promotions, help problem solve in your teams, and are happy to take on roles to further your career. However, maybe you feel like you don’t have much drive or direction outside of work (what do you do in your free time?). Clarifying that achievement is one of your top values might help direct what you need to do with your free time to feel fulfilled.

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Hit reply and let me know what your top three values were. Were you surprised? Did they seem suitable? How does this help direct you?

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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.

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This week, my podcast recommendation is new from Mark Manson’s Solved, “How to Find and Live by Your Values.” Disclaimer: he restructured his podcast, and they are now three to four-hour episodes. The goal is to make comprehensive episodes on the topics so the issue is exhausted, and for listeners to come to their own conclusions.

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With that, let me know what your values are!
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Until next time,

Shannon