TGIM: The Donut Dilemma

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!
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tl;dr How do you decide when to give in to temptation and when to resist? Do you have criteria? How do you choose what’s worth compromising for?
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You could drown in the sea of “health” advice out there. It can become overwhelming deciding what’s worth paying attention to, what’s valuable, and what’s total garbage. One issue I advocate for that I can see being confusing is finding balance. It’s important to have systems in place to establish good habits, but equally important to be flexible and enjoy your life. So what the heck does this look like in practice?

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First and foremost, you must master the basics. Without getting too into the weeds this week, it entails adhering to a regular exercise program, getting your steps in, eating a balanced diet of macronutrients and micronutrients, getting quality sleep, and being clear about your goals. Everyone’s details will look slightly different, but without a clear idea of what your goals are and taking consistent steps to get there, you probably can’t decide when to give in to temptation when it’s a regular occurrence and not an exception.

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So let’s say you have the basics mostly nailed down. You’re resistance training three to four times per week, getting your 10,000 steps in, and eating good, whole food sources a majority of the time. But you also hear the advice that you should be flexible and live a balanced life. How do you decide when to bend your own rules?
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This is the nuance of wellness that so many people miss the mark on. Influencers on social media make it look realistic to hit personal records in the gym seven days a week or eat grilled chicken and broccoli every day. On the other end of the spectrum, some say tracking your macronutrients is an eating disorder, and advocating for body positivity when someone in their 30s is developing coronary artery disease and diabetes.
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So, how can we balance a life of rules and structure with flexibility and spontaneity?
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Having a clear vision of your goals is paramount. You can’t decide what path you’re taking if you don’t know where you’re going.
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For example, if you’re in a season of your life where you really want to focus on your health, does that mean you want to lose a certain amount of weight? Do you want to increase your steps? Do you want to cut back on sugar? You have to get granular about what “healthier” means so that you know what “success” looks like in terms of reaching your goals. That way, when you’re deciding whether or not to treat yourself, you know if it’s still helping you move towards your goals or move away from them.

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When you know if you’re bending your rules, you can better determine how much you can bend them to still reach your goals. I track my macronutrients and have a goal in this season of my life to lose four more pounds for summer. This weekend, I ate out delicious Italian food twice for a birthday party and then a bridal shower. Typically, this wouldn’t help me move towards this goal, but I track to the best of my ability, move a little extra, and eat until I’m comfortable. This helps me bend my typical rules of sticking to whole foods, usually meal prep, and still enjoy these celebrations with people who matter the most to me.

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At this bridal shower, one of my best friends made a comment that stuck with me. She and her husband live upstate and had a very, very long drive this weekend and next to attend events with our group of friends. She said (in so many words), “We show up for the big things.” Would it be easier for them not to drive six, maybe seven hours, to see us back-to-back weekends? Absolutely. Do they both have a ton of work they could be getting done at home? Of course. But their rule is that they show up for the big things in their friends’ lives. And that’s when they bend their “rules.”

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If you decide when it’s worth bending your rules, you’ll make it easier to reach your goals and avoid spiraling into a rule-breaking bender. If you eat a donut every time donuts show up at work, you probably don’t have a good grasp on your related goals or a rule for when it’s worth indulging. One donut might lead to a day or week of not caring what you eat because you had the donut, so your rules are out the window.

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In terms of indulging in sweet treats and foods that might not typically align with your goals, here are some ideas on how to deal with that. First, consider if it aligns with your goals. If you track your macros and have already hit your protein and nutrient goals for the day, then you can eat the donut and still be on track to reach your goals. You can also consider how much joy it will bring you (I call it the joy scale). If some donuts are sitting there from the shift before you, that donut might be a one or two out of ten. It’s not worth it! On the contrary, if you’re on vacation and there’s a gourmet donut place with a unique donut you’ve never had before, that might be closer to a nine or ten on the scale, and then heck yeah! Enjoy every last bite!

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Being able to consider these factors is a skill that will help you practice this “balanced” lifestyle. Balance means being able to say no sometimes when an indulgence does not align with your goals. It also means being able to say yes sometimes when it’s worth it. The key is being able to figure out when it is worth it.

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Similarly, you might want to cut back on drinking. There is no safe level of alcohol; it is a class 1 carcinogen. And yet, it is socially acceptable, if not encouraged. But there are some times that might be worth indulging for some people, myself included. Deciphering when it is worth it is up to the individual. But the same questions apply. How much joy will it bring? How can you do it in a way that aligns with your goals? Are you doing it mindfully?

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Having rules that you typically adhere to and then setting parameters of when to break them will help you reach your goals and do so in a way that aligns with your integrity. This will help you live in a way that keeps you structured but also allows for spontaneity.

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Let me know what rules you need to develop to work on your goals, and how you plan to build parameters for when it’s worth being flexible.

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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.​
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This week, my podcast recommendation is new from 10% Happier with Dan Harris, “Peak Performance at Any Age with Christiane Wolf (Dharma Teacher/Doctor/Ultramarathoner).”

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With that, let me know what you think! What goals do you want to work on this week?
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Until next time,

Shannon