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Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday! tl;dr None of us is special. None of our problems, vices, or dilemmas is unique in the context of the universe. The good news is that the issue has been faced before, and there might be hints for solving it. The bad news is that we can no longer blame our circumstances for our results. At some point in your life, you’ve met someone whom you’ve told (or wanted to tell), “the universe doesn’t revolve around you.” But we all live as if it does. Our entire lives, we endure a perspective of the world that is uniquely our own. Of course, it feels like our experience can only be understood from where we stand, because no one else has stood in our shoes. This can create an isolating feeling when you’re in a difficult position. Perhaps you experienced a series of unfortunate events (ie broke up with your significant other, had to move apartments, and your job applications have not received any response). You might have a hard time reaching out for help or talking to a friend about it because no one can fully grasp the stress you’re under. After all, nobody has jumped through these specific hoops in this specific order before. Or so it feels.
The good news is that your trials and tribulations have been experienced before by someone, somewhere, at some point in time. Your struggles are not unique. Maybe you don’t know the human who has, but there is a human out there who can empathize. This doesn’t mean the difficulty will be any less stressful or that you will be able to get an answer to all of your questions. But it may be fruitful to remember that someone has survived this before you, and there are solutions out there for you too, even if they’re not evident at that time. Most people can wrap their heads around the fact that there is an answer to their questions out there somewhere. It might just be challenging to accept that, depending on how frustrated you are at the time and how open to suggestions you are. We can all become provincial when we are experiencing hardship. “My boss just doesn’t understand how much I’m juggling right now…” “My family isn’t comprehending the stress I have on me…” “My [insert disease process like depression, anxiety, back pain, asthma, etc] prevents me from doing x, y, or z…” I think most of us are capable of recognizing when we bury ourselves in that hole. After the stressful week at work is over, we apologize to our loved ones for blaming our bad attitude on the work project. Or after you survive that difficult interview process, you reflect on how you could’ve made time to get to the gym, and it wasn’t taking up as much time as you thought. In hindsight, we can see that the challenge was not as overwhelming as it seemed at the outset. The major issue arises when people become paralyzed by their problems and use their circumstances as an excuse not to take action. Like we said last week, action is the antidote to overwhelm (if you missed last week, you can check it out here https://walshwellness.kit.com/posts/tgim-99-problems). And you usually recognize that you feel better after you’ve taken action (finished that work project, survived the interview process, gotten through another Monday). But be careful of the problems you have that you write off as irreparable. Take, for example, someone who is overweight with back pain. They say they have trouble moving around because of their back pain. They say that no one has pain like this, nobody understands how difficult it is to do their work, and there just doesn’t seem to be a way to deal with their very unique set of circumstances. This person feels their problem (back pain) is a special condition and is therefore not taking action (rather just complaining about it). They feel that complaining about the issue is all they can do, and it is now as much a part of their character as any other personality trait. Oof, that line hit me like a ton of bricks. Read it again. “But as long as one continues to use one’s misfortune to one’s advantage in order to be ‘special,’ one will always need that misfortune.” In our example, the overweight individual will always need the back pain as part of their “unique story.” It’s the reason they give when explaining why they don’t want to exercise, why they can’t do certain work, or why they can’t participate in something. It’s their excuse for not taking action. Without it (the “unique story”), they would be liable for acting, taking control of the situations, and ultimately the outcomes. But as long as this story stays in place, they feel resolved of any responsibility because after all, no one could possibly understand. Consider an aspect in your life where you might be using your misfortune to create a story about why you can’t change. Are you stuck in your job with your horrible boss and no room for growth, constantly complaining because no one could imagine your situation? Have you reiterated the same line about how you have a certain body type, making it impossible for you to lose weight? We probably all have a misfortune we’re using as an excuse not to take action. Take note of where you find yourself repeating the same story to avoid doing the thing that needs to be done. If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM. This week, my podcast recommendation is new from Michael Smoak’s The HigherUp Podcast, “#86: Delete Your Ego and Become Dangerously Confident.” With that, call people out when you notice them making excuses for not taking action! Forward them TGIM if they need an explanation. Until next time, |
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