TGIM: Positively Sickening

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!

tl;dr The difference between a positive mindset and toxic positivity is the ability to process negative emotions.

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Practicing a positive mindset creates resilience and a problem-solving disposition. People who choose to look for the good in any situation tune their brains into seeing the silver lining, which filters the lens through which they see the world. It’s a choice that, when made over and over again, can affect the way one approaches any hardships.

I intentionally emphasize the deliberate nature of a positive mindset. While we all have genetic predispositions, making it easier (or more difficult) to be optimistic, it is a choice we make every day, like deciding to exercise or deciding to hit snooze on the alarm. The more we practice choosing to be positive, the easier it gets.

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This mindset requires processing the negative emotions that arise and choosing to find the good. It demands the emotional intelligence to understand grief, sorrow, heartbreak, and devastation, but to find growth on the other side of the experience. It is the ability to feel the full spectrum of sensations, both positive and negative, and to continue putting one foot in front of the other because you have faith (or hope or resilience).

The positive mindset juxtaposes toxic positivity in the ability to process these negative emotions.

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When someone cannot process the grief and sorrow meaningfully, they might say everything will be okay or they’re fine as an avoidant mechanism. They circumvent feeling the heartache by echoing what they think people want to hear. Of course, we all know how that story ends.

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While it would be easy to think we are not the toxic positivity person, we may all fall victim to this when we are the ones processing grief. You don’t want to cry or deal with the empathy from others, so you act strong. Or someone asks how you’re feeling, but being honest is too burdensome (for you or them), so you just go with a generic “okay.” This doesn’t paint the picture of the classic, over-bubbly, toxic positivity persona, but you’re guilty of the same crime: not dealing with the negative emotions.

The good news is that, as we discussed earlier, a healthy, positive mindset can be practiced. If it’s not something you are necessarily gifted with, you can do the reps to strengthen that lens through which you see the world. To do so, you must first acknowledge the negative emotion. I don’t think you need to get on social media and sob in front of the camera (that’s a topic of discussion for another time). But you can be honest when someone confronts you and say you’re dealing with *insert negative emotion here* and working through it. You can leave it at that (acknowledging the emotion is at least a healthier first step than denying it) or identify one aspect that gives you hope about the situation. Seeing that silver lining may take time, depending on how much you’ve practiced it, the severity of the situation, and your proximity to it.

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For a relatively light-hearted example, my water bottle, over eight years old, with dozens of sentimental stickers, broke this week as it tumbled out of the car and hit the ground at just the wrong angle. Of course, in the moment I said it was fine as the tears welled up in my eyes, but that was avoiding all of the negative emotion with all of my power.

From trips across the world to businesses started by friends, favorite eating and drinking establishments, and memories over a decade, these stickers and this water bottle have been through more than a quarter of my life. It’s fallen dozens (probably hundreds?) of times before, but this time was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

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Obviously, I’m very attached to this little water vessel. And I am holding out that there is a way to mend it. But after some tears were shed, the silver lining I can find in the situation is how fortunate I’ve been to hold so many wonderful memories in one place. I am lucky to know so many amazing people and places that have made this piece of plastic so valuable.

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Can I rationally compute that it is a piece of plastic with colorful plastic decoration and a mere drop in the grand scheme of the universe? Yes. But am I still crushed that this happened? Of course. Being able to digest both truths, the grief and the silver lining, is the key to a positive mindset.

If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.

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This week, my podcast recommendation is new from Mark Manson’s Solved, “How to Become Resilient.”

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With that, let me know where in your life you can better process negative emotions to practice a healthy, positive mindset.

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Until next time,
Shannon