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Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!
tl;dr Our bodies are adapted to give us warning signals when something is wrong (fear, stress, anger, pain, etc). While we no longer have to fear predators threatening our safety, we haven’t quite figured out how to manage these “alarm signals” in our current environments. Often, we resort to distractions and dopamine hits to numb the discomfort. What can we do better?
From somewhere over the Pacific, I am sad to report that this adventure is coming to an end. Today we disembarked and started the 8,400-mile journey back home. While it’s always hard returning to reality after vacation, my body has been sending out signals today like I’m preparing for battle.
The fight-or-flight sensation, typically meant to warn against danger, has been internally alarming. Unfortunately, because of the easy access to dopamine we have with our phones, I find many of us reach for them at the smallest sign of discomfort. It may be unintentional, but it provides a fleeting numbing sensation during a time of “pain.”
Older generations may have used smoking as a coping mechanism for stress, while others drank, but many in our age bracket reach for our phones. A quick update on our notifications, texts, or emails gives us a distraction to avoid reality, even momentarily. And the “threat” of reality may come from stress at work, a pending uncomfortable conversation, or, my favorite pain point, boredom.
Our minds are so dramatic when any of these sensations arise. Our brains are adapted to warn us to seek safety at the first sign of danger. But “danger” is now uncomfortable emotions, and “safety” is simply avoiding those emotions.
It’s human to seek comfort over discomfort (duh). But not being able to process these negative emotions leads to worse emotional regulation and a lack of personal development. We cannot grow if we cannot face our weak points.
Instead of numbing these emotions when they arise (drinking, smoking, or touching our phones when boredom, anger, of stress appear), we can face them head-on.
Consider why you’re feeling that way. Is there anything you can do about it? Is it something you have encountered before? What can you improve upon for next time?
All of the negative emotions were bubbling in me over the last 24 hours. A two-and-a-half-week adventure across the warm South China Sea was winding down, and now I’m heading home to two feet of snow. I’m not looking for empathy; I know I am so fortunate to have gone on this trip. But that doesn’t quell the uproar in my head.
Instead of doom-scrolling and binging movies the (entire) plane ride, I wanted to take time to process why I am having such a heightened response to the trip ending. My preliminary answer, besides, of course, sitting in a cold ICU overnight instead of poolside with a Coke Plus, is that there is something about the life I’m returning to that doesn’t align with the ideal life I want to be living.
I get it, I can’t retire quite yet and go live on a cruise ship to sail the world. But if that was really my ideal life, why aren’t I working towards it?
Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to getting back to a routine. I am excited about moving my body more, getting back to the gym, returning to my clients, and stretching my brain again. Despite the positive things about my life, I’m happy to get back to, there’s something that is still not sitting quite right. Therefore, there must be something about my life that isn’t aligned with how I want to be living.
While I don’t have an exact answer to what’s missing quite yet, I know that’s the work cut out for me when I return. And I don’t know if I would’ve had an answer or a tangible action plan had I not sat with the negative emotions. If I scrolled on my phone instead, inevitably the avoidance would lead to the emotions resurging and then feeling worse, then back to the phone, and the cycle would continue.
What is it you do when the negative emotions arise? How do you try to numb them? Instead of trying to suppress them right away, consider what your body might be trying to tell you. They are there for a reason! If you can figure out what that reason is, you can work towards fixing the root of the issue instead of slapping a band-aid on it.
I don’t have an exact game plan for how to bridge the gap between the life I’m living and my ideal life, but I believe working on that solution will help quiet the alarm signals. And thankfully, I have 10 more hours on my flight to brainstorm.
If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.
This week, my podcast recommendation is from The Mindset Mentor, “Delete What’s Draining You and Upgrade Your Life.”
With that, talk to you next week stateside.
Until next time,
Shannon
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