TGIM: Life is Unfair-Now What?

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!

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tl;dr Life can be so incredibly unfair. Sometimes there’s no apparent silver lining or greater reason why. But there are only two ways to deal with this truth: you live so fully or let these moments (whether those that have already occurred or the potential of them occurring in the future) define your life.

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Disclaimer: The next two paragraphs are heavy, so if you’re grieving someone or something right now you can skip it for now (you can always come back to it when you’re in a better place). Or make sure you read until the end to help shift your perspective.
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I love working in the ICU. It’s an environment that demands collaborative effort and provides an opportunity to learn something new every single day. There are some incredible saves made and people who get a second chance at life because of modern medicine. However, there are some really difficult days in the ICU, and this weekend was one of those times.

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A patient presented with symptoms that would’ve kept many people on the couch for a week. Most people would have had to take a few sick days from work but be back the following week fully recovered with an inbox full of emails. However, instead of returning to work, this patient became critically ill requiring several machines to replace the functions of their lungs and heart. A younger family member was placed in a horrible position to make medical decisions when most people of similar age were worrying about what bar to go to with their friends. Ultimately, the patient continued to decompensate and the family had to make the heartbreaking choice to withdraw care. It was an unthinkable situation.

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There are just some situations in life that don’t make sense. They are unfair and cruel. There’s no way to make light of the situation. No matter what greater power you believe in, there’s no way to attribute these occurrences to a justifiable reason.

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We’re human, we’re supposed to grieve and feel frustrated. It takes time to process the emotions. And after days and weeks and months of processing them, we may still never have an answer for why these things occur. But at least the overwhelming sense of grief or anger becomes digestible, and maybe the waves of emotion become smaller and smaller until they are twinges of sadness instead of crippling pains.

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These are the unfortunate realities of the human experience. Many of you have experienced these unimaginable losses or someone close to you has. And while we wish no one had to go through this, it is part of life.

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So how can we live with this frustrating truth?
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I see two ways of dealing with it. The first is to let your life be defined by the experience (or the potential of it happening to you). The second is to go live your life fully despite it.
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We will all lose loved ones in this life and maybe endure the difficult loss of a beloved job, home, or relationship. When it happens, it is expected that it will take time to grieve. But as time goes on, a choice must be made whether or not to let this experience define you.
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A story defines you when it becomes a personality trait or the way you justify yourself to other people. It becomes a part of your character and a way you rationalize who or how you are.

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Again, this doesn’t mean in the short term when you are expected to take time to process the experience. But in the long term, when life continues, do you adjust or curtail your life because of it? An oversimplified example would be if you lost someone in a car crash, would you never get in a car again?

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While it might not always be such a clear correlation, limiting your life because of a tragic loss or the potential of something bad happening does not help anyone. You will not prevent these situations from happening nor will you reverse the events that have already happened. Trying to avoid tragedy by living small is like trying to stop an ice cube from melting, preventing the natural progression of entropy.

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So instead of living small trying to hide from the inevitable, the other option is to live so fully that you get the most out of life despite this fact.

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The jaded slogans we hear like live your life to the fullest can feel overdone and annoying at best. But when you work this closely with death, the sentiment is genuine. Horrible situations like this happen frequently, and it is a powerful reminder that life is short.

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Despite the emotionally draining weekend at work, it was a kick in the butt to pursue the opportunities in front of me while I can. And I shared this story with you because our culture avoids talking about death like the plague. But I think the more we can embrace the fact that we will all experience loss and eventually die, the more we will be willing to live.

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Knowing that this life is finite should encourage you not to stay in a job or relationship longer than what fulfills you. We can’t take our money when we die so spend it on memorable experiences with loved ones. Take that trip, move to another state, and eat that dessert because something unfair will happen and you might not be able to anymore.

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So even though horrible things happen, they don’t need to define who we are or how we live. If you are in the process of grieving, find support in your community and let yourself work through those emotions. But if you’re fortunate enough not to be acutely in this situation, live your life. Enjoy the company of your loved ones, the beautiful places in the world, and the incredible opportunities life has to offer.

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Life is unfair, so make sure you embrace all the good it has to offer relentlessly and unapologetically.

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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.​
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This week, my podcast recommendation is from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast, “Lessons on Money, Success, and Fulfillment You Need to Hear ft Lewis Howes.”
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With that, let me know what insights you have after reading TGIM this week.

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Until next time,

Shannon