TGIM: You’re Not That Tired

Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!

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tl;dr When was the last time you thought you were tired? Yesterday? Today? What if I said you’re not that tired, or at least, it’s not real fatigue you’re feeling?

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Your first thought might be defensive or frustrated. Of course you’re tired! You just worked 12 days straight or ran a marathon over the weekend. Or maybe you have a newborn at home and are being awoken all night every night.
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But you’re not that tired, you have more in you. Much more. And not in a David Goggins run laps until you’re peeing blood kind of way. But in a way, you’re probably craving more than you’re giving.
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Tired is the new normal. Everyone is always tired, always running around nonstop. Errands to do, places to be, calls to make. Too tired to make it to the gym, too tired to work on your side project, and too tired to do anything different.
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But most days, most people are barely doing anything. Sure, you work your nine-to-five, or maybe your seven-to-seven. And sure, there are some awful days at work where just getting yourself back to bed is all you can muster. But most days probably fall within an average amount of effort (coming from someone working in the ICU, we all acclimate to our average day).
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So why are we all so tired if most days we’re just exerting an average amount of effort?
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A great deal of our time and energy is squandered on distractions. Myself included. Scrolling social media, watching the news, gossiping at work; anything taking away from a greater sense of fulfillment. And in moderation, distractions are not only enjoyable but necessary to the human experience.

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However, humans don’t bode well with distractions in moderation because they feel good. And you know what doesn’t feel good? Hard work.
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But think about how tired you were when you last had a good day of hard work. Maybe you did manual labor all day, or studied hard for an exam. You likely felt accomplished, fulfilled, and slept great. There is no shortcut to that feeling.

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So now we have a juxtaposition between the tired you feel from an average day (of doing the bare minimum to the average amount of work) to the tired you feel after a day of (physically or mentally) hard work.
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Society as a whole is so tired because of the ceaseless distractions, having increasing difficulty falling asleep, and craving an insatiable need for more.

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To better characterize the tired felt by scrolling on your phone all day and doing the bare minimum is a Russian word toksa. Allow me to use a quote from Vladimir Nabokov whoe is more familiar with the context of the word to describe it:
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No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.

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Toksa elucidates this gaping black hole of lack of desire, boredom, and yearning for something spinning in our world. I think younger and older generations alike are feeling it because we live in a time when distractions have never been more prevalent. But instead of addressing it, people enjoy the dopamine hits of social media and newscasts to fill the video. But the satiety is only temporary, because as humans, we yearn for more.

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If this resonates with you, consider what it is that you long for. Do you like helping people? Do you want to create something? Do you want to improve your health so you can maintain the quality of your life for the duration of your life?

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Once you narrow down what it is you long for, you have to take action.
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First, reduce distractions. There is no getting around this step. They are difficult to manage, but it will only become more difficult with time. And they are the key culprit in “the vague restlessness,” as Nabokov put it, although he died before ever knowing how true his words would ring in the age of social media.
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Most of you know, I don’t go on my personal Instagram Monday through Friday. While I do go on over the weekend, I can feel the energy draining out of my soul just over two days (with 30-minute time limits!), and I still do it because I’m addicted, like everyone else. But removing this distraction from my life during the week is liberating. It took a couple of years to get used to but now I look forward to Mondays because I know the energy sucking source is done.

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What distractions in your life would help you feel less toska? How can you incrementally start scaling back?
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The second step after cutting back on distractions is to break down activities that make you feel fulfilled into five, 15, or 30-minute increments. What can you work hard at that makes you feel exhausted but great? How can you incorporate these in a way that’s sustainable in your life?
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You want to plan these in smaller increments because while I wish we could all just do the things that fulfill us all day, every day, it’s not a practical prescription. So if you plan out how to work on these in smaller chunks, you can more easily add them to your existing schedule (or replace some distraction time!).

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Maybe you love working out, but only go when you have time for an hour workout class. What can you do in five, 15, or 30 minutes to add movement to your day? Or maybe you have a side hustle you want to work on, but you’re usually too “tired.” What can you do in those smaller time periods to make progress?

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If you resonated with that description of toska, it’s time to make a change. When you’re ready, start by limiting distractions. Then implement smaller time increments of more fulfilling activities. Instead of feeling toska, you can feel fulfilled and a great-night-of-sleep kind of tired.
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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.​
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This week, my podcast recommendation is new from Paul Levitin’s Change Made Easy, “Do Less, But Better; Rethinking Consistency, Growth, & More with Jon Goodman.”
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With that, hit reply and let me know what you think!
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Until next time,

Shannon